9 Lessons Learned During My Twenties

My 30^th Birthday is approaching in just two weeks! I know for some, that is a life changing experience, with bucket lists to cross off, big life goals to achieve and changes you want to make. Leading up to these last few weeks of my twenties, there hasn’t been many thoughts to this new age category I am going to enter. In these past two days, my mind has been flowing with thoughts of where I am in life, what I am still waiting on, what I still want, etc. Negative Nancy was setting up shop in my mind, and I immediately had to kick her out!

It’s not that I am not happy with where I am in life, because I am. I was just thinking of what I “thought” my life should look like at the age of thirty: living in that new brick home with the big yard, being a big name teacher in a well achieved school, having a better hairstyle instead of my go-to-Becky-Bun. It is lame to live life with a bunch of unmet expectations that YOU placed on yourself. It’s easy to look around on social media and think you should have different things based on what other people like, have, and do. Can I just be the one to advocate for the people who are HAPPY with what they have, and dare to say content, even though they may not have the shiniest, prettiest, coolest whatever. I can, and I will! This post is not for everyone, but everyone can read along. These are just my thoughts on what I learned in my twenties. Maybe it will encourage someone in college making decisions about what’s next. Maybe it will make someone laugh as they have an “I’ve been there-done that” memory. Maybe it will bring a sense of peace to someone who thinks they have to figure everything out this very second. And maybe, just maybe, it will bring some contentment to you and your situation. That is my biggest hope in this post. Plus, it will be fun to share lessons learned, knowing FULL WELL I still have a long life ahead of me with SO MUCH MORE to learn.

1.     College is what you make it. I went into college not having any idea what I wanted to do with my life. I just graduated high school, where I was VERY involved in all the things: drill team, choir, yearbook, tennis, FCA, and a youth group at church. Entering college, I had none of that. I had help from FAFSA to pay my tuition, went to school and church and that’s about it. I thought about rushing a sorority, but was scared that the Christian women in my life would think I was a wild child, so I didn’t. Dumb reason not to do something, but I eventually learned that you shouldn’t try pleasing other people all the time. I read the book Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer in college. That book helped me realize that about myself and began my journey in not being so consumed of what other people thought of me. I also learned that some people start building their portfolios and work internships and hold part time jobs and still manage to make A’s in their classes. I was not one of those people. I learned I had to study for hours on end to make a decent B, and that was ok.

2.    Long Distance Relationships DO work. Entering into my junior year of college, I volunteered to work at a youth camp to be a part of the recreation team. Had I not been involved in a Christian organization on campus, I probably wouldn’t have had that opportunity. Being on the Rec Crew, I became friends with a stud of a guy who was also in college, only his campus was an hour and a half away from mine. We began dating that fall (August 15^th, 2008 to be exact) and had to do the long distance thing for over a year. I would say that phone calls, texts, weekends and events made the long distance part easy, but really it was knowing that God brought us into each other’s life for a reason. We trusted each other, and God, and I truly believe that having Christ at the center of a relationship is really what made the long distance doable. Which brings me to my next lesson…

3.    It’s OK to marry young. Jearen and I knew we were made for each other, we were in love, and we wanted to spend our lives together ASAP. We married when he was 21 and I had just turned 23. We had hand-mi-down furniture, one car, and minimal finances. To us, the material things would come down the road. Sometimes people oppose young people getting married, but I think it is because of their own fears, failed marriages, etc. Don’t let those people get you down! We made our commitment to each other on 7.10.2010 and have been happily married ever since. I understand some people wait to tie the knot until they are more financially stable, which is fine. However, that wasn’t our concern, and that’s ok.

4.    Love those friends in your life. After we first got married, I remember feeling sad that I was in a new city with no friends around. It took some time, but I have found my lifers. The ones that I share so many memories with. The ones that have seen me cry, laugh, try new things, begin a career, have a baby, suffer loss, eat good meals and share good stories with. During these past ten years, some friends have come and gone, some friendships don’t run as deep as they did once before, some just pick right back up where you left off, even if its been months since you’re seen each other. Have I cried and worried myself silly when I felt that drift of friendships? YES! But I have learned that sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes physical distance and time does play a factor in how close a friendship feels. I have learned that as hurt as you may feel by that friendship that just sort of vanished, don’t let that hurt keep you back. Pray about your friendships. Know that the Lord is going to put people in your life for different seasons. And if one of those friendships boils back up to the surface after you thought it was over, love that friend. Life is too short to hold onto an offense. Sure, you may have a different level of friendship and you may feel leery to try to bring that depth back. Don’t worry about the depth. Be yourself. Love and be invested. If it’s just a surface level friendship, you don’t need to worry or lose sleep over what the other person is thinking of you. This goes without saying that toxic relationships need to be cut out for good, but I am really just referring to friendships that feel close for a season, then a little more distant in the next season, then close again. Just let God hold your friendships in His hand and trust that He knows what is best for you, and them! I also learned that I DON’T like doing life alone. So if I can be with a friend celebrating, or laughing, or crying, or drinking a glass of wine on a back porch, I will.

5.    Having that dream job takes time. It wasn’t until the end of my junior year of college that I knew I wanted to be a teacher. After graduating, taking an alternative certification route, working at a preschool and applying for an entire summer, I finally landed the teacher job I was working hard for. I just finished my second year teaching 5^th grade, and I realize that I want to keep growing in my career. I want to have better teaching strategies, use more technology that interest the students, have better communication with parents, and master the curriculum that I teach. Can I do all of that in a day? No. So I am learning that things take time. It’s ok to take that job that is going to help you pay the bills but may not be your dream job. You can save up and get there eventually. I am realizing that I need more years of experience before I will be some big shot teacher. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying “Bloom where you are planted.” Well, that is my thought right now with teaching. If you are in your twenties and can’t stop thinking about the ultimate job, work hard and keep reaching for that dream, but don’t just stop because of the amount of time it takes you to get there.

6.    A traditional single family home is not the only home you can love. When we lived in our apartment, we searched for a home to buy. We searched and found some beauties with terrible foundations. We then found a 2 bedroom condo that would be perfect for our budget, not to mention it was only the two of us. We closed on the house, invited friends over to paint our new home, and moved in. I never thought I would own a condo, which people assume is an apartment and think we pay rent all the time, to which we respond with “Nope, we own it.” Not trying to sound snooty, it just isn’t the home people think you should own I guess. This July we will have lived here for 5 years. It’s hard to believe the amount of blessings this house has brought us, including two dogs, a healthy baby boy, family and friend gatherings, and a safe place to live, love, and relax. I know there will be a day when we do move into a brick home with a big yard, so please don’t think I am bashing those.  I’ve learned to love this little home, knowing one day we will outgrow this place (the walls are already closing in on me, haha), and then this place will become the perfect home for a new family. So if you are living in an apartment, a condo, a mobile home, your parents home, or even own your dream home, love exactly what you have. I know that sounds hard to do with Pinterest giving you a million and one new home décor ideas and renovation projects you should tackle, but stop, take a look around, and know that you are blessed in your living quarters!

7.    It’s not the end of the world if you change churches, or step away from ministry. I feel so taboo writing this, but I cannot tell you how many times I have heard pastors say things like “God is not in the moving business.” To someone who may be on the edge of their seat, ready for a change because they are not being challenged, spiritually changed, maybe the church just isn’t the right fit for their family, they could hear that quote and feel stuck. My husband and I were on the side of things where we overly-committed because we loved to serve, but would feel drained. After attending several churches, we finally realized why we were drained. It wasn’t because of the work we were doing, it was because our hearts weren’t in it. That’s a big pill to swallow when that was your life, or at least what you expected for yourself. We were doing things because we were expected to, because we were available, because it was familiar, but we were not taking the time to actually pray about it. We stepped away from being involved and eventually found a new church. Did God strike us down? No. In fact, we feel like we have a healthy perception now of serving, and feel like we made a decision together as a couple based on prayer, having peace, and knowing that it was best for us. I am involved volunteering at our new church (which technically we have been attending for almost two years now, so it’s not so new anymore) on the Worship Team. We also learned just how important it is to have a relationship with Christ that YOU are responsible for. Not your pastor. Not your friend. You. Christ is still at the center of our lives, and we have learned it’s ok to not have a special title/position alongside our name.

8.    Family is Everything. Over the past ten years, I have had an uncle die, a grandmother die, Jearen’s aunt and Grandaddy pass away, three nieces born, parents divorce, parents remarry, a miscarriage, have a healthy baby boy, siblings graduate, siblings move, and celebrated every holiday in between. I know I am very fortunate when it comes to family. I have a Dad, Step Mom, Mom, 2 Brothers and their wives, 2 sisters and their husbands, a husband of my own, his whole family, and all the grandbabies in our family. There is an immense amount of love between all of us, and it goes without saying how when I say Family is Everything, I mean it. Does that mean that we never have fights, disagreements, hurt feelings, worry? No. But even then its far and few between. These are my people and they mean the world to me. I have learned just how important making phone calls are. How family gathers may take work to plan all the details and get everyone on board, but it’s SO worth it. We laugh until our sides hurt when we are together. We make new memories with all the little kids in the family. We share a love for baseball (even though what once was a Cardinals only family has turned into a Cardinals/Rangers/Redsox family). Don’t take your family for granted. Don’t be ashamed of your upbringing. Don’t apologize for what you did or didn’t have growing up. Hold your family tight, love them with all you have, and invite others into your fun gatherings. Many of my friends got to know my family growing up, and I am so glad they did.

9.    Be yourself. Yeah, that can be intimidating when your true self is sillier than the next person. When you love really cheesy movies and enjoy making those around you feel valued. I learned I really love having photos of everything in my life. I learned I am optimistic and I’m always looking for the bright side. I learned that I could do hard things with God’s help. I learned that I really love Texas country music. I am fine without makeup and also love getting dolled up for my man. I love being out with my friends, and snuggling up on the couch alone watching reality TV shows. I love cleaning things and throwing out anything that doesn’t get used. I love Texas Rangers baseball and yelling from my seat. I like traveling across the U.S. and find small towns fascinating. Maybe you are like me, or maybe you don’t like a single thing I just listed. But I learned in my twenties, that people will either like you, or they wont. Don’t hide away from the things you love or want to do because it isn’t popular. Be yourself. Those who are meant to be in your tribe will love you and they NEED you. I learned that I may not be this or that, but that the exact person I am is NEEDED, not just in my social circle, but in my family and in my marriage. And, I just happen to think that God needs me to be me too, after all, he did create me and give me all these things that make me, me.

I remembered that 10 years ago, none of this was on my radar. I was just a sophomore in college, with no plans for my future ahead of me. At the time I wasn’t career driven, in love, or even holding my own. Being a Christian, I believe that God ordains my steps in the direction he wants me to go. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed up where I am now, but what a blessing it is to be here alongside my best friend, my baby boy, and all the experiences I have gained. Long story short, I AM happy to enter this next chapter of life with no regrets and no big list of things I must achieve to prove my worth in this world. Here is looking at you, 30!