I’m going to start this story by giving a brief description
of what lead up to the arrival of our son, Brady Glenn Myers. Okay, maybe not as
brief as I am one to give all the details in a story (sorry husband, I know
that annoys you, lol). From the moment we found out we were pregnant, we were
elated. Every single moment felt so surreal. Like why now? Why us? We felt so
privileged. Our pregnancy came as a bit of a surprise, as I only had one
fallopian tube remaining after an emergency surgery that almost cost me my
life. I was pregnant at the end of November of 2013, and we had celebrated big
and shared the news with our closest friends and family during the Christmas
season. However, at the beginning of January 2014, heartbreak came as I had an
ectopic pregnancy causing the baby to be stuck inside my right fallopian tube,
and surgery to remove my ruptured tube took that sweet little angel to Heaven.
To read more about that, click here. From that moment on, we had tried to get pregnant again with no success. I was
having to face the reality that having children may never be in our cards, and
that came with months of sadness and defeat.
Jump forward to the spring of 2015. I had gone to a
fertility specialist to be examined. They were going to check out my left tube
to see if there was any blockage. The exam (known as an HSG) was painful, but I
breathed my way through it and left in tears. I remember sitting in my car
right after, feeling so broken. I remember feeling like I was no good for
Jearen, a waste of a wife who would never be able to have his children. I felt
alone. I didn’t understand why I was the one going through this. And this was
just after the exam. The same feelings showed back up after the fertility
specialists rushed me through a consult to basically tell me that IVF was the
only answer. I remember that day well. Jearen was with me for that
consultation, and as we got home, I broke down. I couldn’t believe it. I stood
in our dining room crying, as my sweet husband held me. He looked me in the
eyes, and told me all of the following:
- We were just going to have to believe God for a miracle.
- If it just wasn’t meant to be for us to have kids, that that was ok too.
- He loved me no matter what.
- I wasn’t a waste.
- I was everything to him.
Oh that sweet man of mine. Those words began a journey of
healing for me. Healing for the child we had lost. Healing for the news we just
received. Healing to trust God no matter where He takes me. *I told you I love
details….so this is most likely going to be a LONG story, but it is one I
always want to remember*
Then came the summer of 2015, just a few months after my
healing journey began. We went on a family trip to Hawaii and celebrated our 5th
anniversary as we were there. It was a beautiful trip! I do remember though
crying to my husband as we were walking down a pier, apologizing for not having
a kid by now. Our “goal” was to have a kid by the time we were five years into
our marriage, and we used to talk about that all of the time. Imagine being a
planner like myself and not being able to say you were successful in making
something you always planned happen. Oh man, I’ve learned so much through this.
Especially how to let go of control, and little did I know then how much
control I would have to give up. After that trip to Hawaii, we traveled to
Boston for a week for Jearen’s job, and then to Belize with other parts of our
family. That trip was amazing too, but it was a scuba diving trip for Jearen
and his brother, so while they spent most of their time exploring in the ocean,
I was lounging by the pool reading and working on my tan burning.
As I
was doing that, I read a book by Pete Wilson called Plan B. Basically saying
how sometimes our life doesn’t turn out the way we plan, and that’s ok. It was
a life changing book for me, in the sense that I finally found a peace to not
being pregnant. And that was hard, being that many months leading up to that
moment were met with tears flowing as Aunt Flo showed up, or the testing stick
was another negative, yet again. The day after I finished the book, as we were
on this trip, I started my period (sorry TMI, but this IS a story about
becoming pregnant, so…) and I had complete peace. Like OK God, I trust you. I
am not mad, sad, angry, or bitter. The following months brought about the same
kind of peace. And truth be told, I gave up in trying to get pregnant. I didn’t
want the pressure. I didn’t want to feel confused. I basically gave up trying.
A year went by, and my husband brought up trying again.
Maybe all we needed was a second opinion. And lots of prayer. We had this
discussion as we were on a romantic getaway to Chicago for Valentine’s Day that
Jearen worked up all on his own. The day before our trip was over, we finally
had “the talk.” I had pushed this topic of child bearing under the rug because
hello, it hurt. Moving on with life made more sense and was less painful then
discussing seeing another specialist for a second opinion. But, that is what we
decided to do. Several weeks after our trip, I found myself walking into a
different fertility specialists’ office, feeling as though I was literally
going to poop my pants be sick from being so nervous. I was too far into
my cycle to be examined by another HSG exam, so the doctor told me to call back
once I have started my period so that they could schedule me in to be seen. He
made me feel like I didn’t have to rush out the door which was nice, and gave
me lots of hope.
Having been told IVF was my only option before, this doctor
made me feel like there were several other options we could try before ever
having to come to that. I remember asking him “So should we still try in the
meantime?” And he said, “YES! Just try a little sooner than you have been.” Ok,
sounds good. I have a plan now, and it doesn’t include IVF at this point. So, I
went home, and we “tried”…and then tried some more. Two days after the
consultation, we conceived. On our own, without IVF. It was JUST the beginning
of this miracle.
Come back for The Story of BAM: Part Two!
-Becky
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